


I miss you too

by nicoskneecaps



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Human Bill Cipher, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, No Spoilers, Older Dipper Pines, Past Relationship(s), Poor Dipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicoskneecaps/pseuds/nicoskneecaps
Summary: Angst and a ship that isn't emo? Couldn't be. Hope you enjoyed it :p
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Kudos: 31





	I miss you too

I think I’ll miss your smile the most. When you were truly happy it would reach your eyes and sparkle brighter than the stars in the sky. Like tiny universes trapped in motion just behind your eyelids. It was magical. It had the power to snap me out of whatever shitty mood I was in on any given day. Even back when we were highschoolers and I could only see that smile during summer and video chats, I could feel it bringing a smile to my own face. You were special like that. 

Or maybe I’ll miss your voice more. The one who talked me through countless breakdowns and ones that could have been, but you made disappear. The one that told me that I was worth something in this world rather than nothing. It wasn’t just your talking voice I loved, but your singing voice as well. You were a surprisingly good singer, but I feel that I should have known that. You sang everywhere you went. When you were doing the dishes to sketching another masterpiece to dancing in the kitchen with me at 3am more often than we should have. Last time we did, you sang “Tear in my heart” to me and replaced all of the “she’s” to “he’s” and I couldn’t stop smiling. Neither could you. 

The only things you were really bad at was cooking and falling asleep. I usually cooked and when I didn’t we had take out. Food always tasted best with you. When you worked a late shift or you had to see your family it always tasted bland. It does most days now. You had insomnia. You’d just stay awake for days at a time, mostly without me knowing. You were always clever and sneaky about it until you’d just stare at our cat with dead eyes and I’d have to practically drag you to the kitchen so you could take your meds. It never bothered me though. On days like those you’d take a nap halfway through the day and you were always more than happy to have me there. You were always warm. I especially loved that during the winter months. I always felt warm and safe in your arms. I wish I could feel that way tonight.

Everything reminds me of you. I never use your favorite mug. You never let me use it while you were still here, so I figured I’d respect that. I wear your jackets out a lot, but no one seems to notice. I’ve been doing it for years, so everyone’s just used to it. They smell like smoke and fabric softener. It’s become my favorite smell over the course of 7 years. It still is to this day. I haven’t gone to the cute little shop near downtown we always loved in months. Even when I walk past it, all the memories come back like a wave. We always bought something there when we went in. From candles to crystals to chocolate, they always had something we liked. But I just can’t bring myself to go back. I found your old sketchbook last week and I found a few pictures that I couldn’t help but frame. There were so many that I haven’t seen between the pages of your book. I like to think that in time you would have shown me and told me your whole thought process through each and every one. Your old record player has been collecting dust for longer than I’d like to admit. Maybe one day I’ll get the courage to play something on it or maybe even sell it, but I can’t see that day coming any time soon. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for that night. Back then it seemed so big and important, but now I realize that it was so very small. You got fired from your job and had nothing to fall back on. I wasn’t as mad as I was scared. I didn’t want to lose everything we had worked for. I’m sure that if you were still here we could have figured something out. We always did. But we can’t. I wish you didn’t go out on your motorcycle after I told you I needed time alone. I wish you would have went on to the porch or stayed in the living room. But that’s not the type of person you were. It wasn’t your fault. Not at all. How were you supposed to know how that driver had a little too much to drink and was going to decide to go a little too early? I wish with everything inside of me that you could have known. Because now our house is quiet and our bed is cold. Everything has gotten dusty and I can’t find a good reason to get out of bed most mornings. My hands are lonely without yours. My 3ams aren’t filled with laughter and light anymore. They’re filled with silence and the light from a dying lamp that I don’t care enough to fix. I would give everything I own so that it could have been my blood on the pavement and not yours. My empty casket placed in the ground, not yours. 

The autumn leaves tumble off skeletal trees that surround the graveyard like protective claws. The iron gates frown down on me as I quietly open them. The wind howls around me and tugs at my scarf, threatening to send it flying to wherever it sees fit. I tighten my scarf while making my way to a small grave near the back of the yard. Upon seeing your name carved into the headstone my vision blurs. I will never get used to seeing the words “William Cipher” on it no matter how many times I go. Wiping my eyes, I kneel in front of the stone. It’s only a week until Halloween, so I can’t help but feel melancholy. It was your favorite season after all. More tears form in my eyes, but this time I let them stay. “I miss you.” I whisper into the wind. It might have been my imagination or maybe even wishful thinking, but I swear I heard someone whisper back “I miss you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Angst and a ship that isn't emo? Couldn't be. Hope you enjoyed it :p


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